Does it get better once you stop getting abused? I understand and have experienced that things go from bad to worse so I know it doesn't get better in the sense of a complete 180; but I keep thinking that once it stops it might be better? I know survivors are at high risk to be revictimized, but is it better just in the sense you are out of the original situation where you were being abused? So you don't have to experience it on a daily basis? Part of me wants to hope so the other feels naive
Getting out of the abusive situation is the first step to possibly getting better. While we’re still in contact with abusers.. things like hypervigilance and a few other things- they can’t stop. It wouldn’t matter how much we worked on them… they’re coping skills to a point. they are things that enable us to survive the abusive experience.
Things don’t get magically better. It takes resources and time and effort and… a little bit of luck.
When you get out, things will still be hard- in a different way. But hopefully you’ll have a community you can reach out to- even if its only SCaR. and you’ll have resources available.
My best advice for those recently coming out- is to focus on self care and expressing things that demand to be expressed.
Don’t bother trying to process things just because you’re supposed. Double down on self-care. do emotional self care especially. and process the things that come up first- first.
Break down your symptoms- the things that hurt- the things that are still bothering you… and pick two tops.
and brain storm 5 potential solutions. Use the resources you have. Whether it’s the SCaR masterlist, or showing up to a library, or reaching out and asking another survivor ‘hey if you had flashbacks, how did you deal with them?’
and just.. try them. one at a time.
Don’t try to tackle everything at once.
I will say when I got out of the abusive situation I was… I floated on cloud nine. It did definitely feel like things got magically better. but that kind of came crashing down and I did have to start putting in work. There is a huge difference between the hard of ‘I am dealing with abuse daily’ and the hard that is starting your healing journey.
I wish you the best of luck, both in getting to safer place and in healing.
Take care of yourself, okay?